Welcome to IVF This, episode 122, My IVF, Twas the Night Before Beta. 

Hello, hello, my beautiful friends. I hope you are all doing so, so well today.

This episode's gonna be a little different. It's gonna be on the short side, and I know I say that often and then still continue to drone on for 15 to 20 minutes, but this is objectively true. This will be a much shorter episode. But the reason that we're here, doing this episode is because I was actually sharing some of my personal writings with a client/friend of mine and she mentioned you have to use this poem on the podcast and this poem, the poem that I'm gonna read to you is as it sounds a take from the night before Christmas or twas the night before Christmas but it's based on how I was feeling the day before our beta. back in 2021, which was our very last cycle. 

We're not gonna be doing any more cycles. So I don't want you to think that Emily's going through another IVF cycle. Emily will not be going through another, Emily will not be going through another IVF cycle. But she felt very strongly that this probably was a poem that could help connect people to that process, connect people to that embaby that they're holding on to, that they're gonna find out tomorrow. if that worked, if they're there, all of that. And it just kind of captured my mood, and I wanna emphasize this very closely, my mood the day before our beta. 

As with everything on the IVF This Podcast, it is cafeteria style. We take what works for us and we leave what doesn't. I say that all the time and it rings true, especially today. There are gonna be things that I talk about in this poem. It's a very short poem, like I'm not gonna keep you here for hours and hours. It's a very short poem, but I talk about my relationship with my husband. Maybe that doesn't apply to you in your situation, right? That's okay. You can take what works for you if you like the poem and wanna change it up for yourself, beautiful. This is not a copyrighted thing, nothing like that. I want you to make it yours and make it work for you if that is what you want to do. It's certainly not optional. I am Christian by faith and I do mention The Lord in that poem and if that doesn't work for you, that's okay, too If you want to scrap it, that's fine. If you want to make that work for you, too. That's beautiful as well. 

So all of the caveats all of the of the warnings all of the things before we get started because I want this to be a beautiful representation again of my experience the night before our beta But if it can help you and if you want to take it and use it I would love that. And that has always been the goal of the IVF this podcast. So here we go.

Twas the night before beta.

 Twas the night before beta, when all through the hopeful mom, all the emotions were stirring and the hope was strong. The anxiety is hung on every single word. and dreams of an embaby ring so loud to nearly be heard. 

The question lingers, what will tomorrow bring? 

Could it be grief or possibly the most amazing thing? 

Hope and fear in equal measure with the knowledge that whatever happens, we will always be together. 

This embaby and I are forever linked, but the news tomorrow could make my heart soar or sink. I carry the weight of all that could be with the love and support of those that surround me. 

The eager anticipation grows larger by the minute, but believing in the future and the possibilities infinite. 

But tonight I will rest easy in the hands of my Lord, knowing His love for us and our love for you can never be ignored. Signed one hopeful mama and daddy. 

Ooh, I got so emotional reading that. Oh my goodness, it brought me right back to that moment. August 3rd, 2021, when we were waiting to find out the... Ooh, I'm genuinely tearing up. This is an unusual turn. It has been almost two years since that day and it's still, like I want you guys to know I still carry this stuff with me, right? 

We've had... by all accounts a very successful IVF experience. And yet all of these emotions are still with me, right? 

The fear, the anxiety, the gratitude, the appreciation, the sadness and the grief, it is all still here, sometimes right at the surface and sometimes a little bit further down. 

So I hope that brings peace and love and comfort to some of you and to all of you I want you to know that even though I'm never gonna go through another, I want you all to know that even though I'm never gonna go through another idea of cycle. 

I still hold each of you so closely and so tightly because I have been there and I understand. and I want all of you to have your heart's desire. So that was my experience, my IVF, my night before my beta, August 3rd, 2021. 

And I hope you all have a beautiful week. I will clean myself up and I will talk to you soon. 

Bye bye.