IVF This Podcast Episode #147 IVF and Healing
Hello, hello, hello my beautiful friends. I hope you’re all doing so, so well.
I wanted to take a min at the top of this episode to remind everyone about the “Take Back Your Life” calls. These are 50-minute sessions where you decide what we do: if you have general questions about IVF or coaching, actually getting coaching on something that you’ve been struggling with, if you would like specific information for what it would be like to work together- or all of that in one- that time is completely dedicated to you. You can book a Take Back Your Life call either on my website, www.ivfthiscoaching.com or on my IG or FB pages in my link sections.
I also want to take a moment to acknowledge some concerning things that are happening in the US around IVF. Now this episode comes out a few weeks after the news broke, but I am writing the episode in the same week, but basically the Alabama Supreme court has ruled that embryos are now classified as “extrauterine children.” This has many implication for IVF, and the lawsuit originated in 2020 when three couples lost their embryos, that were in storage, when an unrelated hospital patient, the clinic is connected to the large hospital system in Mobile, wandered into the embryo storage area, handled and dropped embryos, resulting in their destruction. Now, anyone familiar to this case or is just hearing about it right now, I’m sure share in the IVF community collective outrage that this happened and that the three effected families have undoubtedly suffered a great deal of loss as a result of the hospitals negligence.
Now, I do not get very political on this podcast, that’s not what you tune in to listen to. However, I will say that in the US there as been a great deal of unease in the Assistive Reproductive space, since the Dobbs decision in May 2022, which overturned Roe v Wade. There were specific fears around IVF as a result of this ruling, because prior to 2022, IVF had not existed in a non-Roe v Wade world. Roe V Wade became law in 1973 and the first IVF baby was born in the US in December of 1981. So there were and are a lot of unknowns and a lot of fears for US IVF clinics and fertility doctors since May 2022. As a result of Alabama’s ruling at least 3 clinics have paused all treatments for fear that their physicians and staff could be held criminally liable. Now, lawmakers in Alabama have rushed to author bills that will protect IVF in Alabama and allow for treatments to resume but there are A LOT of understandably fearful IVF’ers in Republican ran states here. I think we can all agree that what happened to those three families was unconscionable and the hospital system is absolutely responsible. AND that this has now brought to life many of the fears that people have had over the past two years.
So, as members of the IVF community in the US or outside of it. Please keep those directly effected in Alabama in your thoughts, and by extension the rest of the US because this could have national implications. And please be compassionate to those that might not currently be effected but have understandable fears about the future of IVF in the US. Ok, that’s all I will say about that. If you have any questions about the situation or you would like some coaching specific to it, please reach out to me at hello@ivfthiscoaching.com and I would be happy to support you.
Ok, now let’s get started on IVF and healing. One thing to note, this episode is going to be VERY list heavy. It was the only way I could combine all three topics that I wanted to get through. I will try not to make the lists super boring but I want to make sure you have some good explanations and examples to go back to- so, don’t hate me for all the lists that are coming your way!
Now, “healing” is VERY broad so I’m going to make it a little more specific and talk about rest, relaxation, and restoration (the 3 R’s). So I’m going to talk what they are, what they are not, why they are important, and some examples or how you can incorporate true rest, relaxation and restoration in your life. And NO I’m not going to take your social media, online shopping, alcohol whatever away! That’s not the point of this episode- so don’t shut it off, hear me out.
I think for most of us, rest, restoration and relaxation feel like a work of fiction. At least they did to me for most of my adult life. And even once I became more acquainted with the ideas of them, it still felt like something I had to earn. Like ok, I can sit down and read or relax or whatever after I do X,Y,Z because it was always something I had to earn. I had to get everything taken care of, I had to be ultra-productive BEFORE I had earned the right to pursue or engage in relaxation or restoration. And to be completely frank, I don’t think I ever really thought about restoration until the past few years. I had really only ever thought about relaxation. And, if you’re anything like me, you probably thought about them as being interchangeable- but they’re actually different: they have different meanings, ways that they can be applied in your life, and purposes that they serve.
So, let’s start there. Let’s break them down first:
Rest:
What does it mean: Rest refers to a state of bodily, mental, or emotional inactivity or repose, characterized by relaxation, recuperation, and restoration of energy.
What does it look like: Rest can look like a lot of different activities, including sleep, downtime, leisure activities, and breaks from physical or mental exertion.
Why is it important: The primary purpose of rest is to allow the body and mind to recover from fatigue, replenish energy levels, and promote overall well-being.
Examples: Sleeping, taking breaks during work, engaging in leisure activities, practicing mindfulness, and spending time in quiet reflection are all examples of rest.
Relaxation:
What does it mean: Relaxation refers to a state of reduced tension, stress, or anxiety, often achieved through specific techniques or activities aimed at promoting calmness and tranquility.
What does it look like: Relaxation techniques include deep breathing exercises, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, massage therapy, and engaging in hobbies or leisure activities.
Why is it important: The primary purpose of relaxation is to induce a state of physical and mental calmness, reduce physiological arousal, alleviate stress, and promote relaxation response.
Examples: Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, taking a warm bath, listening to soothing music, and practicing yoga are all examples of relaxation techniques.
Restoration:
What does it mean: Restoration refers to the process of renewing, replenishing, or revitalizing physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual resources that have been depleted or compromised.
What does it look like: Restoration involves activities and practices aimed at promoting recovery, resilience, and well-being, such as getting adequate sleep, practicing self-care, seeking social support, engaging in therapy or counseling, and participating in activities that promote emotional healing.
Why is it important: The primary purpose of restoration is to repair, rejuvenate, and rebuild various aspects of well-being that may have been affected by stress, illness, or other challenges.
Examples: Getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, engaging in regular physical activity, practicing mindfulness, seeking therapy, spending time with loved ones, and pursuing hobbies or interests are all examples of restoration activities.
Differences:
Focus: Rest primarily focuses on physical and mental inactivity or repose, relaxation emphasizes reducing tension and stress through specific techniques, and restoration focuses on renewing and replenishing depleted resources.
How they show up: Rest involves activities that promote bodily and mental recuperation, relaxation involves techniques aimed at inducing calmness, and restoration encompasses various practices aimed at promoting overall well-being.
Similarities:
All three concepts are aimed at promoting overall well-being by allowing the body and mind to recover, reduce stress, and maintain optimal functioning.
Overlap: There is overlap between these concepts, as activities that promote relaxation often contribute to rest and restoration, and activities that promote restoration often involve elements of relaxation.
In summary, rest, relaxation, and restoration are related but distinct concepts that play important roles in promoting physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. While rest focuses on inactivity and repose, relaxation emphasizes reducing tension and stress, and restoration involves renewing and replenishing depleted resources. Incorporating activities and practices that address each of these aspects can contribute to a holistic approach to well-being.
Now, what I think most people get wrong about rest, relaxation, and restoration is mistaking it for anything that will quiet the constant barrage of trash you say to yourself, or numb the pain you feel. Now, before I share this next list, let me make it ABUNDANTLY clear the purpose of this information- it is for awareness and education. It is not EVER to be used against yourself. When I tell you that I have engaged with almost everything I am about to list off for you, that is not hyperbole, that is truth. But you do not have to use that as a way of further inflicting pain and suffering on yourself. I want you to entertain the idea that IF you have used any of these things it was because 1) you didn’t know any better. So don’t go holding yourself to a standard that you had no clue existed at that time, and 2) it was what you needed in that moment where you were just reacting to your thoughts and feelings. When we create awareness around these things, you are giving yourself the opportunity to respond if something like that comes up again. So please give yourself ALLLL the compassion when you hear this, ok? Remember the first rule of thought work: we never use thought work against ourselves. It completely defeats the purpose of what we’re doing here!
Ok, so all that ground work, here are some ways that we can try to turn the volume down on the horrible things we say to ourselves, or try to numb our pain:
Substance misuse or abuse- no one is diagnosing anyone with anything. Most of us have, for a time, probably overused, misused, or abused alcohol, nicotine, THC, caffeine, sugar, like the possibilities are endless.
Emotional Avoidance- this one is something I still work on daily. This is when we avoid or suppress our emotions, rather than addressing and processing them.
Isolation: also something that comes very naturally for me. Isolation is especially easy to fall into during infertility and IVF bc there are so many things external to us: the awkward conversations, seeing the happy families and babies, seeing pregnant bellies- that we think if we isolate then we won’t have to see them and be reminded of all the things we want and can’t have.
Undereating or overeating
Excessive screentime (whether that’s binging all the things on all the streaming services or doing all the social media)
Rumination- which is something I’ve talked a lot about on this podcast. It’s when you just keep going over and over in your mind about something that either has already happened and you can’t do anything about it, a situation where you feel completely helpless, or future fears- those aren’t the only 3 scenarios just the most common ones that I see. But rumination never allows for a resolution- so you’re just like a hamster on a wheel that never stops
Excessive work or busyness- anything that will keep you distracted enough where you do not have to address your fears or concerns or emotions
And please remember 1) this is not an exhaustive list and 2) the dose is the poison- meaning, all of us do these things or most of these things, but it doesn’t automatically mean that you are avoiding your emotions. I want you to think about these things as “if there is a net-negative” for doing them you are probably using them to avoid or resist your emotions. And that’s what I want you to be on the lookout for.
Ok, so now we know what we’re talking about, we have a better sense of how we can restist or avoid those uncomfortable feelings, which make rest, relaxation, or restoration very difficult, so now let’s break down all three into more specific groups. Starting with rest.
Rest is not a one-size-fits-all concept; there are various types of rest that contribute to overall well-being. Here are some different types of rest:
Physical Rest: This type of rest involves giving the body a break from physical exertion. It includes activities such as sleeping, napping, and lying down to relax muscles and reduce physical fatigue.
Mental Rest: Mental rest involves giving the mind a break from cognitive tasks and mental stimulation. It includes activities such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and engaging in hobbies that provide mental relaxation and focus.
Emotional Rest: Emotional rest involves taking a break from intense emotional experiences and stressors. It includes activities such as journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, and practicing self-compassion to soothe and recharge emotional energy.
Social Rest: Social rest involves taking a break from social interactions and external stimuli. It includes activities such as spending time alone, engaging in solitary hobbies, and setting boundaries to protect personal space and recharge social energy.
Sensory Rest: Sensory rest involves reducing exposure to sensory stimuli to give the senses a break. It includes activities such as spending time in nature, turning off electronic devices, dimming lights, and creating a calming environment to reduce sensory overload.
Creative Rest: Creative rest involves taking a break from creative endeavors to recharge creative energy. It includes activities such as engaging in non-demanding creative activities, taking a leisurely walk, or simply allowing the mind to wander without pressure to produce.
Spiritual Rest: Spiritual rest involves nourishing the soul and connecting with one's sense of purpose and meaning. It includes activities such as prayer, meditation, spending time in nature, engaging in rituals or practices that align with one's spiritual beliefs, and fostering a sense of gratitude and awe.
Work Rest: Work rest involves taking breaks from work-related tasks to prevent burnout and recharge energy. It includes activities such as taking regular breaks during the workday, scheduling days off, and setting boundaries between work and personal time.
Sleep: Sleep is a crucial type of rest that allows the body and mind to recover and rejuvenate. It plays a vital role in physical health, cognitive function, emotional regulation, and overall well-being.
Active Rest: Active rest involves engaging in low-intensity physical activities that promote recovery and relaxation, such as gentle stretching, yoga, walking, or swimming.
Ok, so that’s rest. Now let’s talk about restoration and I’m gonna try to keep it in similar categories to help understand what it can look like in the different areas of your life. And I do love a good theme.
Physical Restoration:
Sleep: Adequate and quality sleep is crucial for physical restoration, allowing the body to repair tissues, regulate hormones, and recharge energy levels.
Nutrition: Consuming a balanced diet rich in nutrients supports physical restoration by providing essential vitamins, minerals, and energy.
Hydration: Staying hydrated by drinking an adequate amount of water supports bodily functions and aids in physical recovery.
Physical Therapy: Engaging in physical therapy exercises and treatments can aid in restoring physical function and mobility after injury or illness.
Mental Restoration:
Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and other mindfulness practices help calm the mind, reduce stress, and promote mental clarity.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or, my particular favorite therapy Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): CBT techniques can help individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns, leading to improved mental well-being and restoration.
Cognitive Rest: Giving the mind a break from cognitive tasks and mental stimulation, such as taking breaks during work or engaging in leisure activities, promotes mental restoration.
Learning and Intellectual Stimulation: Engaging in activities that stimulate the mind in a positive way, such as reading, learning new skills, or solving puzzles, contributes to mental restoration.
Emotional Restoration:
Therapy and Counseling: Participating in therapy or counseling sessions allows individuals to explore and address emotional challenges, fostering emotional restoration and growth.
Self-Compassion Practices: Practicing self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, which promotes emotional healing and restoration.
Journaling: Writing in a journal allows individuals to express emotions, process experiences, and gain insight, contributing to emotional restoration.
Creative Expression: Engaging in creative activities such as art, music, or writing provides an outlet for emotional expression and fosters emotional restoration.
Social Restoration:
Social Support: Spending time with supportive friends, family members, or peers provides emotional validation and connection, contributing to social restoration.
Community Involvement: Participating in community activities, clubs, or groups allows individuals to connect with others who share similar interests and values, promoting social restoration.
Setting Boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries in relationships helps protect personal well-being and fosters social restoration by preventing emotional exhaustion and burnout.
Spiritual Restoration:
Meditation and Prayer: Engaging in meditation, prayer, or other spiritual practices helps individuals connect with their inner selves and higher purpose, fostering spiritual restoration.
Nature Connection: Spending time in nature, appreciating natural beauty, and engaging in outdoor activities promotes spiritual restoration by connecting individuals with something greater than themselves.
Gratitude Practice: Cultivating a practice of gratitude involves focusing on the positive aspects of life and expressing appreciation, which fosters spiritual restoration and contentment.
Environmental Restoration:
Decluttering: Creating a clean and organized living space promotes environmental restoration by reducing stress and promoting a sense of calm.
Nature Exposure: Spending time in natural environments, such as parks or gardens, promotes environmental restoration by reducing mental fatigue and promoting relaxation.
Creating a Restorative Environment: Designing a home or workspace that is conducive to relaxation and well-being, with elements such as natural light, comfortable furniture, and soothing colors, supports environmental restoration.
Occupational Restoration:
Work-Life Balance: Achieving a balance between work and personal life promotes occupational restoration by preventing burnout and fostering overall well-being.
Setting Realistic Goals: Establishing achievable goals and priorities in one's professional life promotes occupational restoration by reducing stress and promoting a sense of accomplishment.
Engaging in Meaningful Work: Pursuing work or activities that align with one's values and interests fosters occupational restoration by promoting a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
And finally, relaxation:
Relaxation can take many forms, catering to various preferences and needs. Here are different types of relaxation techniques:
Muscle Relaxation:
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR): Involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups systematically to release physical tension and promote relaxation.
Jacobson's Relaxation Technique: A method similar to PMR that focuses on tensing and releasing muscle groups in a specific order to promote relaxation and reduce stress.
Breathing Techniques:
Deep Breathing: Involves taking slow, deep breaths to activate the body's relaxation response, reducing stress and promoting calmness.
Diaphragmatic Breathing: Focuses on breathing deeply into the diaphragm to promote relaxation and reduce anxiety.
Mindfulness-Based Techniques:
Mindfulness Meditation: Involves focusing on the present moment without judgment, which can help reduce stress, anxiety, and promote relaxation.
Body Scan Meditation: A mindfulness practice that involves systematically scanning the body for sensations, promoting relaxation and body awareness.
Visualization:
Guided Imagery: Involves imagining peaceful scenes or experiences to evoke relaxation and reduce stress.
Creative Visualization: Similar to guided imagery but involves visualizing specific goals or outcomes to promote relaxation and enhance motivation.
Yoga and Tai Chi:
Yoga: Incorporates physical postures, breathing techniques, and meditation to promote relaxation, flexibility, and overall well-being.
Tai Chi: A gentle form of martial arts involving slow, flowing movements and deep breathing to promote relaxation, balance, and mindfulness.
Aromatherapy:
Essential Oils: Involves using aromatic plant extracts, such as lavender or chamomile, to promote relaxation and reduce stress through inhalation or topical application.
Massage Therapy:
Swedish Massage: Involves long, flowing strokes, kneading, and gentle tapping to promote relaxation, improve circulation, and reduce muscle tension.
Deep Tissue Massage: Targets deeper layers of muscle and connective tissue to release chronic tension and promote relaxation.
Hot Baths or Saunas:
Warm Baths: Soaking in a warm bath can help relax muscles, reduce tension, and promote relaxation.
Saunas: Heat therapy in a sauna can promote relaxation, improve circulation, and alleviate muscle tension.
Music Therapy:
Listening to Relaxing Music: Listening to calming music, such as classical or nature sounds, can promote relaxation, reduce stress, and enhance mood.
Hobbies and Leisure Activities:
Engaging in enjoyable activities such as reading, gardening, painting, or playing a musical instrument can promote relaxation, reduce stress, and provide a sense of fulfillment and enjoyment.
Now, I can’t remember if I mentioned this at the top of the episode, but he idea behind this lengthy and list-heavy episode is because many of us, most of us, probably all of us have walked around while we’re struggling or when we even think things feel pretty calm, we’ve walked around thinking “I know I need something, I’m just not sure what it is.” Chances are really damn high, that you need one or more of the things in one of these lists. And so getting super specific around the different areas, my hope is that it will provide you with the language to ask for/ demand from yourself and your circumstances what you need. To give you the language to understand how you can take care of yourself, just a little better, with a little more compassion for yourself and a little more tender care. Because that is the best way to care for yourself during IVF. Ok, that is what I have for you today. Have a great day, and I’ll talk to you soon.