Welcome to IVF This, episode 162, IVF and Emotional Tolerance

Hello, hello, hello my beautiful friends- I hope you are all doing so, so well!

Today, we are going to talk about the concept of emotional tolerance. A lot of this podcast, previous episodes, the underlying purpose is to build up your emotional tolerance; but I don’t think that I have ever expressly talked about it- so we’re going to correct that today! So we’re going to talk about what it is, why most of us don’t have a lot of emotional tolerance, why it’s important to build up your emotional tolerance and, most importantly, HOW we build up our tolerance. 

Ok, so let’s go!

Emotional tolerance is all about being able to handle and manage intense emotions without falling apart or turning to unhealthy ways of coping. It's super important for our mental well-being and overall happiness. But let's be honest, a lot of us struggle with this. There are so many reasons why—psychological, social, even biological. In this essay, we'll dive into what emotional tolerance really is, why it's so tough for us, why it's crucial to develop this skill, and some practical ways to get better at it. We'll also look at how emotional tolerance can specifically help when dealing with infertility and IVF, drawing on some key insights from our previous discussions.

What is Emotional Tolerance?

Think of emotional tolerance as being able to ride the waves of your emotions without getting knocked over. It's about acknowledging and accepting your feelings as they come, without freaking out or trying to immediately change them. It's not about shoving your emotions down but rather letting yourself feel them fully and figuring out healthy ways to deal with them.

In psychology, emotional tolerance is part of something called emotional intelligence. This means recognizing, understanding, and managing your emotions effectively. People who are good at this can handle emotional situations better and bounce back from stress more easily.

Imagine it like building physical stamina. Just like athletes train to endure physical stress, we can train our minds to handle emotional stress. It takes practice, patience, and a willingness to face uncomfortable feelings.

Why We Struggle with Emotional Tolerance

Societal and Cultural Influences

Our culture and society have a big impact on how we deal with emotions. Many cultures send the message that certain emotions, like anger or sadness, are bad or unacceptable. This can make us feel ashamed or guilty when we experience these emotions, making it harder to tolerate them.

Take infertility, for example. Society often expects family-building to be straightforward, and when it isn't, it can lead to intense emotional suffering. This cultural script can make it even harder to handle the emotional rollercoaster that comes with infertility.

Also, society often labels emotions as "good" or "bad," leading us to avoid or suppress the "bad" ones. This avoidance stops us from learning how to tolerate and manage our emotions effectively.

Personal Beliefs and Thought Patterns

Our personal beliefs and cognitive patterns also play a big role. Perfectionism, for example, can make it really hard to tolerate our own emotional experiences. Perfectionists set unrealistically high standards for themselves and see any emotional vulnerability as a failure. This mindset can prevent them from accepting and processing their emotions in a healthy way.

Perfectionism creates a rigid framework where any deviation from the ideal is seen as a failure. This leads to harsh self-criticism and a refusal to acknowledge negative emotions. Instead of seeing emotions as a natural part of life, perfectionists view them as obstacles, leading to a cycle of suppression and increased emotional distress.

Biological and Psychological Factors

Some of us are just wired to be more sensitive to stress or anxiety, which can make it harder to tolerate intense emotions. Early life experiences and attachment styles also play a part. If you didn't get a lot of emotional support as a kid, you might find it tougher to handle emotional stress as an adult.

Our brains also play a role. Some people have a more reactive amygdala (the part of the brain that processes emotions), making them more sensitive to emotional stimuli. This sensitivity can make it harder to tolerate intense emotions without feeling overwhelmed.

Early trauma or neglect can make it difficult to develop healthy coping mechanisms. If you grew up in an environment where your emotions weren't validated or supported, you might struggle with emotional regulation as an adult.

Importance of Developing Emotional Tolerance

Enhances Mental Health and Well-being

Getting better at emotional tolerance is key for our mental health. When we can handle and process our emotions, we're less likely to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or self-harm. Being able to regulate our emotions in a healthy way reduces the risk of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

For example, people with high emotional tolerance can handle stress and setbacks better. They can feel emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration without being overwhelmed, which helps prevent these emotions from escalating into more serious mental health problems.

Improves Relationships

Emotional tolerance is also crucial for healthy relationships. When we can manage our emotions effectively, we're better at communicating openly and empathetically with others. This leads to stronger, more supportive relationships and reduces conflicts caused by miscommunication or emotional overreactions.

For instance, in a relationship where both partners have high emotional tolerance, conflicts can be resolved more constructively. Instead of reacting defensively or shutting down, partners can express their feelings openly and work towards understanding each other’s perspectives. This creates a more supportive and trusting relationship dynamic.

Promotes Personal Growth and Resilience

Developing emotional tolerance helps us grow as individuals and become more resilient. By learning to navigate emotional challenges, we develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence. This enables us to handle future stressors more effectively and adapt to life's inevitable ups and downs with greater ease.

Building emotional tolerance helps individuals develop a growth mindset. They begin to see emotional challenges as opportunities for learning and development rather than insurmountable obstacles. This shift in perspective can lead to greater personal growth and a more resilient approach to life's difficulties.

Applying Emotional Tolerance During Infertility and IVF

Going through infertility and IVF is a rollercoaster of emotions. There are highs of hope and lows of disappointment, and it's easy to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of it all. This is where emotional tolerance comes in. By learning to manage and accept our emotions, we can navigate this challenging journey with more resilience and grace. Let's dive into how emotional tolerance can specifically help when dealing with infertility and IVF, drawing on some key insights from our previous discussions.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Infertility and IVF

Infertility and IVF bring a unique set of emotional challenges. There's the fear of the unknown, the stress of treatments, the disappointment of negative results, and the hope that keeps you going. These emotions can feel overwhelming and all-consuming. As we've discussed, society often sets up this unrealistic expectation that family building should be straightforward and easy. When it's not, it can lead to a lot of emotional suffering【15†source】.

One of the most common fears during infertility is the fear of never becoming a parent. This fear can be crippling and persistent, creating a constant background noise of anxiety. Emotional tolerance helps by allowing us to acknowledge this fear without letting it take over our lives. It's about saying, "Yes, I'm scared, and that's okay. I can still move forward even with this fear."

Embracing Emotional Tolerance

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings

The first step in building emotional tolerance is to acknowledge and accept your feelings. This means allowing yourself to feel scared, sad, or frustrated without immediately trying to change those feelings. It’s important to remember that all these emotions are valid and normal, given the circumstances. As we’ve talked about, acknowledging how you feel and allowing yourself to feel it doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It’s about no longer resisting what is【14†source】.

For instance, if you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming IVF cycle, instead of telling yourself that you shouldn’t be anxious, acknowledge the anxiety. You might say, “I’m feeling anxious about this cycle, and that’s okay. It’s normal to feel this way given what’s at stake.”

2. Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion is crucial. This means being kind to yourself when you’re going through tough times. Instead of beating yourself up for feeling scared or sad, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in the same situation. As we've discussed, self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding during times of emotional distress, rather than self-criticism【14†source】.

When you’re in the middle of an IVF cycle and things aren’t going as planned, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel disappointed. Say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m doing the best I can, and it’s natural to feel upset when things don’t go as hoped.”

3. Mindfulness and Staying Present

Mindfulness can be incredibly helpful during infertility and IVF. Mindfulness is about staying present in the moment and not getting lost in worries about the future or regrets about the past. This can help reduce the anxiety that often comes with this journey. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment, which can help individuals become more aware of their emotional experiences and reduce reactivity【16†source】.

For example, when you’re waiting for test results, instead of letting your mind spiral into worst-case scenarios, try to stay present. Focus on the here and now. You might practice a grounding exercise like feeling the weight of your body in the chair or noticing the sounds around you. This can help keep your anxiety in check.

4. Breathing Techniques

Breathing techniques are simple yet powerful tools for managing intense emotions. Deep, controlled breathing can help calm your nervous system and make emotions feel more manageable. Techniques like box breathing (inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four) can be very effective【16†source】.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed during an IVF treatment, take a moment to focus on your breath. Practice a breathing technique that works for you. This can help reduce the intensity of your emotions and bring a sense of calm.

5. Cognitive Behavioral Techniques

Cognitive Behavioral Techniques (CBT) can help reframe negative thoughts that contribute to emotional distress. By identifying and challenging these thoughts, we can reduce their impact. For instance, if you’re thinking, “This is never going to work,” challenge that thought by considering evidence to the contrary or reminding yourself that you’re doing everything you can【16†source】.

When faced with negative thoughts about your fertility journey, try to reframe them. Instead of thinking, “I’m never going to get pregnant,” remind yourself, “I’m doing everything possible to make this happen, and I’m giving myself the best chance.”

6. Emotional Awareness and Labeling

Improving your emotional awareness and being able to label your emotions can also help. When you can name what you're feeling, it often makes those feelings seem more manageable. Instead of a vague sense of dread, you can identify it as anxiety about a specific aspect of your treatment. This can help you address the root cause of your emotions more effectively【17†source】.

For example, during an IVF cycle, you might feel a mix of emotions – hope, fear, excitement, and sadness. Take a moment to name each emotion. “I’m feeling hopeful about this cycle, but I’m also scared of another disappointment. I’m excited about the possibility, but sad about the journey so far.” Naming these emotions can make them feel less overwhelming.

7. Gradual Exposure and Acceptance

Gradually exposing yourself to your emotions and practicing acceptance can build emotional tolerance over time. This means intentionally allowing yourself to experience your feelings in a controlled way. It’s about accepting your emotions as part of the human experience and committing to your goals even when it’s uncomfortable【15†source】.

When dealing with the ups and downs of infertility treatments, allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions. If you feel sad, let yourself cry. If you feel angry, acknowledge that anger. Accepting these emotions as natural responses to a challenging situation can make them easier to manage.

Conclusion

Infertility and IVF are incredibly challenging emotional journeys. By developing emotional tolerance, we can navigate these experiences with greater resilience and grace. Acknowledging and accepting our emotions, practicing self-compassion, staying present, using breathing techniques, applying cognitive-behavioral strategies, increasing emotional awareness, and embracing gradual exposure and acceptance are all valuable tools. These practices help us handle the intense emotions that come with infertility and IVF, leading to a more balanced and emotionally healthy journey, which I think we can all agree, is the goal- outside of getting our baby.

Ok, that is what I have for you today! I hope you have a wonderful week. I’ll talk to you soon.